Which Church Oh Lord...?

Having a headache... trying to sleep but cannot sleep...
maybe it will help if I just record down the cause of the headache here...

I have been looking for a church to serve upon graduation from SBC
the church that I have served for the past 11.5 years have no position for me
and because of that, I am looking for a church that offers me pastoral position..

The task of looking for a new church to serve is never easy, there are always issues:
1. why your church do not want to hire you?
2. is there anything wrong, that after 11 years you have to find a new church?
3. sorry, we only cater for our church members... we do not know you
4. our church have enough pastor already, maybe you can try elsewhere..
5. our church is mission minded, that's why many people come to our church hoping to find support (including you)
6. you don't have experience
7. you got heart problem
8. you are a traitor (converted to singaporean)

thankfully, through this period of time, God has seen me through. The people who are supposed to help me, in the end, did not help me much. The people least expected to help me, become my greatest helpers. Through some recommendations, I managed to get interviews and offers from two churches.

1. A BP Church of around 300 members. The church has an existing pastor, but need a supporting ministry staff to help him running the ministries. The church is already 22 years old, and has experiences in sending missionaries. I will be expected to help in Pastoral ministries and CG, as well as some areas of worship or translation ministries.

2. A CNEC church of around 60 members. The church has not have an adult pastor for the past 20-30 years. The church needs an adult pastor, to help producing a vision for the church, together with the board of deacons to think and plan ahead for the church, especially on how to retain the youths. I will be expected to help in pulpit, CG, bible study, and other areas.

Over the last two days, the offer in terms of salary package was given by both churches. And now, it is the time to pray, and discern, on what God really wants us to do. We are not dreaming of living luxuriously, but we do need to live adequately. There will be expectation from our parents, about how I live and so on. The decision is tough, especially because I will be a newly-wed husband, and newly-appointed pastor at almost the same time. Can I manage both, or will I fail in both? This is a real concern.

so, if you are reading this, please pray with me, for me, as I make my decision together with my fiancee, and may the decision be a wise decision that will glorify God

Kleptomaniac: The urge to steal

Have you ever stolen anything before? No, I do not mean stealing someone's heart or someone's attention, but stealing stuff from shop, or from others. I mean stole real things from a store or shop. I did.

I remembered vividly. I stole a comb and a pair of socks from P-Mart in Jurong Point in 1997, just a few months after I started to study in NTU. Money is difficult, and in order to save money, I decided to steal. Guess what, I was caught by the security guard. I was confronted, and thankfully, after some lecture from the kindly guard, he allowed the then teary-eyed me to go without keeping any record. That invisible record, however, is forever imprinted in my heart.

I happened to watch a show on TV today on Kleptomaniac - or the addiction to steal.
The short drama is derived from a real-life story, featuring a teenage girl, Kai Xin, who is not successful in academic, and due to bad influence from friends, and lack of care and love from parents, started to steal and slowly become addicted to the act.

The things that Kleptomaniac steal, may not be valuable, but it can be anything, for it is the thrill of stealing that they liked. Apparently, this addiction can hit anyone, from teenagers to old man, poor and rich, common and famous persons (e.g. Winona Riders).

=== here the story goes ===
KaiXin was caught and put into Andrew Grace Home because she was under 16. The movie featured a kindly pastor, who counseled her and found out the reasons behind her stealing act. KaiXin then revealed that there is some sort of 'emptiness' in her heart, and she will not be satisfied until she stole anything. She will get frustrated if she did not steal anything.

The pastor confronted, and asked her to search her heart, did she really fill 'ok' after stealing? or is the 'emptiness' still there? She said, yes. The pastor then said that what she is lacking, is the goal of life, a dream, a hope, or even care or concern from the love ones.

It is no surprise, that KaiXin's parents may not have shown enough love to her, yet keep on demanding on her result without wanting to know about her. It is highly possible, that she did shoplifting in order to catch the attention of the parents.

As the story goes, KaiXin grew in her faith and learnt about lessons of life from the pastor. The pastor says that if you know that there is something that you are lacking, all you need is to find the thing you are lacking, and fill it.

She was given day off, when she can go out. She met her old friends, and shared about the lessons she learnt in AG home. Unfortunately her friends are unappreciative, and instead, they brought her to their old haunt, and encouraged her to steal again. She hesitated, but finally decided to steal, again.

The change in the heart of KaiXin only revealed when she returned to the gate of AG home. She felt unworthy. She seemed regretted. Then she went in to meet the Pastor. The Pastor upon meeting her, gave her a gift, as an encouragement for her improvement. She refused to accept, and confessed that she stole.

The pastor looked upset, and calmly trying to find out why? She admitted, it was her own decision, although it was due to her friends urging. She said, she felt guilty and ashamed and unworthy because the pastor was so nice to her, and yet she did something like that again.

The pastor then looked pleased, he said,"you felt guilty because you shoplifted, now your heart is not lacking of anything already, because you already know what is right and good". He passed her her gift, and said, "you have improved, take this gift"

KaiXin then reported herself to the police, and because of multiple instances of stealing, was admitted to the women's prison for 18 months. She was only 16.

She took O level in the prison, and she come out of the prison as a new person. She continued to study in the poly, and worked parttime. And she is finally free from the urge to shoplift, because now she has a goal to live, and her life is not empty anymore.

=== end of story ===

I was so touched that I cried at the end of the show, when the mother embraces the daughter at the prison gate.

There are many lessons that I have learnt from this 30 minutes show. I reflect on the chance given to me by the security guard. I reflect on the second chance given to us, by our heavenly Father. I hope that as reader of this blog, you too may learn some lesson.

The life of KaiXin is transformed. I believe the transformation is made possible by Christ, through the guidance of the kindly pastor.

I pray and hope that I too can live a transformed life everyday, transformed to be more like Christ, and lead people to Christ.

Death is sure... are you ready?

Today's homiletic lesson we focus on funeral sermon
the lecturer did not just focus on the elements involved in constructing a funeral sermon
but he expanded the lesson to include what a pastor should when death occurs

It is amazing, how many things are involved...
- call the police?
- call the doctor to certify the death?
- call the funeral house?
- call the crematorium?
- book the columbarium?

When the event occurred, the family probably will be very confused, that they do not know what to do. As a pastor, the duty is to arrive there at the earliest time possible. The pastor can help to decide, even take control, or else the grieving family may suffer more financial loss, apart from the lost of their loved one.

What kind of financial loss? well, what brand and material of coffin to buy. How elaborate is the flower arrangement. What kind of urn, whether it is made in italy or made in china. A 1000 dollar coffin and 5000 dollar coffin will burn the same. The urn from china or italy are made from the same material. It may seem funny, but some people are paying for than 20k for all these things, where 5k may suffice adequately. It is then the pastor's responsibility to help the family to take charge against unwise suggestions from relative and salesmen.

At this point of time, I started to think back to all the dead people I have seen in my life.
- when I was 8, I was the first to find out my grandpa's death
- my cousin Lily commited suicide more than 10 years ago in SG
- my maternal grandma passed away at the age 89, after being iltreated by bad daughter-in-law
- the bad daughter-in-law died few years later due to cancer
- my uncle, the husband of the bad daughter-in-law, fell after shower and passed away
- another uncle, the father of Lily, passed away in the toilet few years back
- the eldest sister of my mom, was hit by a car and died a few month back
- a junior studying in NTU commited suicide, jumping from 14 storey
- neighbours, friends, relatives of friends...

As I closed my eyes to think, each of their faces look back at me. I may not remember each of their faces distinctly, but these are real people, whom I have touched, known personally. Death is real. Who am I going to fool, by denying the fact that I may die anytime? God is the only one in control.

If no one can escape death, then it is right for you and me to rethink of our relationship to God. Have you truly accepted Jesus as your personal Savior? or have you truly repented from your sins? because if you say that Jesus is your Lord, and you still continue to sin, who are you trying to fool?

I emerged from the classroom, not as one who knew about how to preach a good funeral sermon, but as one, who have been spoken to by God, about the reality of death. I want to live a better life. I want to be right with God. Are you?

Wedding PhotoShoot: Beware....

Today we went to see the pictures taken during our pre-wedding photoshoot
and it will be one of the most stressful event that I shall remember...
so here, I would like to inform some of my friends (or reader) on this

When we sign up for the contract with the bridal, we were thrilled that we received a good offer
subsequently, we were very happy, when we were given extra costumes during wedding photoshoot ... and we were even more happy, when we did more outdoor photoshoot locations...
but today we kinda, not really regret, but need to rethink again...

you see, for our wedding package, we are entitled to 30 poses of photos, and an album of 13 pages x 2, or you can say 13 designs. Normally, for each designed page, there will be at least 3 poses. So if you have 13 pages, that means you need to select 39 poses, or around there... so, by default, the bridal studio will urge you to get 9 more poses. Each additional pose, according to the agreement, will cost between 60-80 dollars, depending on how you negotiate in the first place.

So, how many different costumes we have taken?
indoor: 2 x wedding gown, 2 x evening gown, 1 x traditional costume, each costume may have more than one background
outdoor: 4-5 locations, each location may have 2-3 backgrounds

In the end, we took more than 170 pictures, and 120 pictures were presented to us today.
if we take all (we will be crazy), that means we need to fork up additional 90 x 65, about 6000 SGD... oh my...

The consultant, cleverly explained to us the benefits of having additional albums, which costs only 3K more.. etc etc.. and when she presented the pictures to us, she did it in a way, that makes us think we must have all the good photos.. but we were so tight in budget, we cannot afford to pay that money...

First round of selection, we chose about 80 out of the 120
We knew we chose too much, we went back to eliminate more, and we have 49
now, at this wonderful juncture, the boss step in and calculated that we only need to pay 1200 or so... (probably my food money for the next 4 months). We say, no no.. we need to be cruel and ruthless, we need to cut down...
so, we cut down some of the pictures we love, some of the pictures that look so nice... and in the end we have 36 pictures... At that point, we believe that we have a fair amount of pictures for a 13 page album, about 2-3 pictures at each page.

But that means we still need to pay additional 6 x 65 dollars. Thankfully, because we do not need to use the bridal car from the studio, we can offset 4 of the pictures, and we only need to top up 130 dollars. It is still quite costly, but we guess, it is the sacrifice that we needed to make...

so, friend, if you happen to read this... do not be overly happy if you are granted additional costume for the wedding shoot, or granted an additional location, for all that may mean additional money to you...

Book Review: The Sphere

Yesterday, January 23, I finished reading the Sphere by Michael Crichton

This is the second book that I read from Michael Crichton, the first book being "The State of Fear", which I read many years ago.

Michael Crichton is a very talented writer who is skillful in his writing, and careful in his research. In this book, he presented scientific ideas and attempted to present them in a lay man's term to the reader, such as the concepts of time travel, alien life, black hole, the paradoxes , etc. It is apparent, that he knows what he is writing and he meant no-nonsense.

The story is about a space ship that was found buried under the sea, that was suspected to contain alien life form. A funny sphere was discovered later with some mysterious power. New life forms were found, people started to die, and suspicious and doubts started to grow. Who is the culprit behind all the strange things happening under the sea?

The story was put up in a movie with the same title in 1998.

I finished reading the 350 pages novel in about 2 days, and to be exact, under 8 hours (reading speed about 40 pages/hour).

Citizenship Ceremony @ Ulu Pandan CC

Exactly 6 months after I got my citizenship approved,
today, on 24th January, I got the citizen IC, or 'pink IC'

It is interesting to know, that the IC was produced on 23rd July
exactly 6 months ago, when I handed in all my documents for citizenship
That goes to show, that the six-month waiting time was not exactly for the cards to be produced, but rather, for the ICA to organized this ceremony.

The ceremony was held in a theaterette in the CC that is 5 minutes from my house
When I arrived, the theatre is already full with people
there are about 200 new citizens who would received the citizenship documentation

Two movies were shown, the history of singapore, so that the new citizens like me would be proud of the country, and about the rights and responsibility being a citizen.

A guest-of-honour arrived shortly to grace the ceremony
He addressed the crowd with a speech that is very much recited from a piece of paper
Then he presented documents to each individuals who marched on the stage according to their seat order. Each person was photographed as the certificate was given, and the photos was ready for collection almost immediately later just before we headed for lunch reception

It is noted that among the 200 new citizens, there are quite a number of Indonesians, and I got to know one family of Indonesians from my church (GPBB) were in the ceremony as well.

The lunch reception, was, to my opinion, very poorly done, both in the way that it was arranged and as well as the quality of the food. People do not queue accordingly, and, well, probably that is how they presented one of the Singaporean value-Kiasuism.

The pink-IC is now in my wallet, and I wonder, what lays ahead of me ...

Fresh Air @ Sentosa: Sand Castle Building

Since about last week, my fiancee told me about this event:
Building Sand Castle at Sentosa beach...
I was like, okay, it is something that you enjoy and I can participate...

The past three days I have been feeling fatigue and slightly depressed
today I felt that I might be up to the challenge to go to the beach
and hence I go

To my surprise, it is not an ordinary event
it is organized by the Indonesian community of Central Christian Church who worship at Punggol
There are altogether about 30 people
and amazingly the leader is someone I already knew since 10 years ago from NTU

After some 'compulsory' waiting times for Indonesians are known for the flexible time management, we depart for Sentosa. Interestingly, there is no need for us to purchase entrance tickets, for EZ-Link card is used for direct entry, $3 deducted as the fare

The leader have us played some icebreaking games before dividing us into two groups,
each groups then collaborate to build a sand castle within an hour...
I do not really participate in the process of making but stayed to chat with the leader

I still felt tired in the end, but I think the outdoor air has done me some good
I hope that I can get a better sleep tonight

Depression, Stress and Bed

I have been feeling very tired these past few days
I have been skipping school... I do not feel that I have energy to wake up
to do the homework and I even feel lazy to prepare breakfast...

Why is that so?
Part of it is because I am stressed
I always feel stressed when I need to submit a paper
I fear writing paper

Part of it is because I felt overwhelmed
by so many things that is happening around me
To find a church to serve
To finish all the assignments, readings
To prepare for wedding and so on

Part of it is because of my bed condition
Few months ago, I replaced my 'prince bed' which is 11" thick, but sunken in the middle
with an older King Koil, 10" thick, which felt okay
but before I knew it, two months down the road, it sunk in the middle again
I could not get a good sleep, because the back support is not there...
so I supposed, the problem does not lie on the mattress, but on the bed rack underneath

Thankfully, my housemate returned to Indonesia today
I tried the bed next door, and it felt like 'heaven'...
I am going to sleep there tonight onwards
I am not going to move in the paraphernalia like laptop and other stuff
I hope that I can get a good night sleep..
and my stress, depression, fatigue will all go away... or so, I hope..

Preaching @ Sembawang

Part and parcel of the process of finding a church to serve includes occasional requests to preach or do ministry works with the church. This is done so as to allow the church to get to know you, and also to evaluate you on your skills.

Tonight, I was required to attend a CG of one of the churches offering me a possibility to serve there. In order to assess me better, they combined the leaders of 3 CGs and listened to my sermon for 30+ minutes.

As the assignments from the school is overwhelming enough, I cannot come up with a new sermon, so I just tweaked one of my sermon assignments and delivered it in a more informal manner.

The sermon is taken from the book of Malachi 3:1-12. The sermon is about God's faithfulness and Justice and that they are bound to come, at any time, and we better be prepared in our hearts, in all our deeds, for the Lord's coming is unexpected, or maybe the time when He will call you home is unexpected.

It is a nice and good fellowship, more like couple's fellowship, for there were maybe 6-7 couples there and two are pregnant ladies, one brought a small baby of two-month old.

I am glad to be given opportunity to minister to the group, although I do not know for sure, how my message can work in their heart, for I too was very tired during the delivery.

I am still quite new in the area of preaching, and I hope that God can work in me and mold me, so that I can be a better preacher for His ministries.

Wedding Preparations

One friend of mine once said:
"do not get busy over the wedding,
prepare yourself for the life after the wedding"
There is a great wisdom in his words

Wedding is not the end, it is but the beginning of a married life
a life, in which the two persons united will have to embark on, together
a life, in which the two persons unlearn and relearn many basic things in life
a life, in which the two persons may cease to be two individuals, but become one...

this, however, is not going to happen.. if the couple just focus on the many details and losing the big picture... Indeed, to prepare for a wedding is not a simple matter:
1. Picking a wedding date
2. Picking a venue for the wedding
3. Picking the right bridal studio and the right gown for the bride
4. Picking the florist for decoration
5. Picking caterers for the church buffet
6. Picking songs for the church liturgy
7. Picking up names for the guest list
8. Picking a location for honeymoon
9. Picking a new house to stay together
etc...

Yes, there are a lot of nitpicking going on, and you can imagine how many arguments are raised, questions about budget, discussions brought up at wrong times, and all this things may bring the two persons down, if they fail to see the big picture...

It is the midst of this wedding preparation, that we learn more about how to communicate, about the temperaments of one another, about when is the best time to discuss about something, when is the worst time to raise an issue, when to give in and when to give up... all in all, it is in this time that we learn more about what is love in action...

so, my friends, if you are preparing for wedding, remember that:
- every argument/conflict is a chance to know each other better
- every argument/conflict is an opportunity for you to love and to forgive
- every argument/conflict brings you closer to the altar of God
if you are willing to let God lead you in your preparation and put your ego down...

God bless ...

Church Opportunities

My housemate exclaimed the other day:
"what??!! you need to go for interview to be a pastor??"

The idea seems so strange, if not totally absurd to her.
I can hardly blame her for her responses.
From her charismatic background, it is not a requirement for someone to study Theology in order to become a pastor, it is definitely weird to conceive the idea that pastors need to seek employment

But, is her response really that strange after all?

As I started my journey as a student I faced similar incredulous responses. On one hand, people seems to admire us for starting on this 'holy' journey, but on the other hand questioning the sanity of our mind for giving up a high-paying job. Yet, at the same time, when we are facing difficulties, they can say "just trust in the Lord and He will provide" without bothering to think, how God is going to help if it is not through them.

The fact is, we live among such Christians even in our churches today.

Thankfully, not all are like that. There are still many good people around who tried to help me as I struggled to find new church to serve.

At the moment, there are two opportunities opening:
1. A BP church with 300+ members and a pastor. I will be required to help with the pastor managing the cellgroup 50% of the time and the remaining time assisting the pastor in other areas.
2. A CNEC church with about 50+ members without a pastor. I will be required to perform most or all of the task of the pastor, and on top of that some extra curricular activities the church has with the neighboring secondary schools.

pray that I will be able to choose wisely between the two churches, and the process will be smooth, so that I will be able to work in the church joyfully, fruitfully, glorifying God and in a healthy manner for my future household

Final Semester in SBC

Time flies
This is now the third study week of my final semester in SBC
What previously was an uncertain decision to leave the workplace
has turned into an uncertain feeling, wondering what awaits me in the future

In this final semester, I shall study the following subjects:
1. Homiletics 2: more on preaching on special events
2. Pastoral Leadership and Ministry: a skill I will certainly need in a church
3. Advanced Greek Exegesis on the book of Hebrews
4. Hebrew Exegesis on the book of Isaiah
5. Systematic Theology III: on Eschatology and Ecclesiology
6. Theology of Worship: what is worship anyway?

out of these 6 subjects, 4 of the lecturers are new to me... so it will be a time of adjusting to the style of teaching of individual lecturers and understanding what they want..

Fortunately, there will be no exams for any of the subjects and most will require about 3 paper assignments to be submitted, apart from tonnes of readings (as always).

These are the books that I will be required to read:
1. Courageous Leadership by Bill Hybels
2. AXIOM by Bill Hybels
3. Next Generation Leadership by Andy Stanley
4. The Prophecy of Isaiah by J. Alec Motyer
5. Worship Old and New by Webber
6. Engaging God by David Peterson
7. Christian Theology by Millard J. Erickson
and a few more... apart from additional ones I need to read for papers of course...

pray for courage to finish this 'study' segment of my life in this few months... coz I still have 'wedding' segment and 'church' segment to fulfill...

Three Giant Rocks and The One Rock

I will never know that one day I would be in such a situation:
- School, I am in the final semester, 6 subjects without exam but many assignments to deal with
- Church, I am looking for a permanent position in a local church, trying to gain a few years' experience before moving on to the next step
- Wedding, in preparation with things to worry about: banquet, finance, house, relationship, etc...

These three are the three giant rocks that I have to bear.
There are times when I felt challenged.
There are other times when I felt overwhelmed.
There are moments when I felt depressed.
There are moments when I felt hopeful that every will turn out well.

One thing that I learned during the last December holiday, is this:
it does not matter how good you plan something in your life,
it does not matter how bad the situations you are facing,
the only thing that matters is this: Who is in control of your life...
God is

He is the One Rock that guides you through the mazes of life
He is the True Rock that leads you out from the desert
He is my only Helper and my Rock of Salvation
and only by resting on this One Rock, that I can face the challenges of the three giant Rocks.

It does not matter who you are facing today...
as long as you are standing with the One Rock